School Chaperone Gifts

"Will you be here tonight, Principal Gomez?"

"Mother, I think I'm good enough to exhibit on the living room walls now."

People who let their big dogs run around leash free and then say things like. . .

'Your classroom management techniques work in practice but not in theory. That worries me.'

The best PE teacher in the World.

"You've already been for a walk."

'Due to the record snowfall, every school on the face of the earth is closed except for Wolfbranch Elementary.'

Too much homework: kid with two backpacks.

"SUPERintendent! What kind of powers do you have?"

I'm in the den mom, reading the newspaper for social studies class.

"Yes I really do need a glass of water. My duvets on fire."

"That's excellent, Caroline!"

'Here's my report card and here's my personal disclaimer.'

"I said 'I quit'. Nobody listens to me any more."

'Teachers' Dreams.''Did you just say F***? Care to repeat it so everyone can hear you or is even a four letter word beyond your abilities? ... And the state expects me to make you multisyllabic.'

Broken ankle.

"Just teachers' lounge will suffice, Ed."

Cameron to improve school discipline - 'Stop arguing about David Cameron's leadership.'

'Come out of that cupboard. If you can't stand up to the class bully, who will? After all, you are the Headmaster...?'

Pop in the 3rd movie. I used to like Kevin Costner. Brew the 5th pot of coffee. Fair trade: sleep for caffeine. Take turns as sentry. Do not ring. Do not ring. Do not ring

"The kindergarteners have breached their classroom confines, and are headed this way. We'll be overrun within minutes. What should we do?"

'There's a group here to see you about a class action!'

"Have a good day at school. Here - don't forget your lunch."

"The custodian's job is 10 percent janitorial and 90 percent as my bodyguard."

"I asked at reception for the person who runs the school... and they sent me to you!"

'You must have been pretty sleepy this morning, Mom -- you made me a silverware sandwich.'

'No! Forging a note from your parents does not count as creative writing!'

'Don't trust people Billy, they'll only hurt you.'

"I've about had it with Math. Yesterday the teacher said that 3 and 4 made seven. . . today she said 5 and 2 did!"

"You need some quality time with the kids. I just volunteered you at their school."

Teacher Tips

'Billy, I'm not going to argue the semantics of biting. Whether or not you penetrated skin, I'm calling your mother.'

'I feel like a boxer. Every time I hear the bell ring, I come out fighting for the students' attention.'

At the Class of 1980 shape reunion - 'OMG, look at the old square Doris ended up with!'

'I hope that is not too much of an inconvenience for you, but I'm desperate to hold on to good teachers.'