Chaotic Diner Gifts

Monster eating furniture,

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

'How is the water prepared?'

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

"One spaghetti, and two straws please."

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

'The customer is always right...'

Dave's Hamburger Shop

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

"I read that meat can remain undigested in one's intestines for five years...."

"The usual."

'Would Sir & Madam per chance care to peruse the scratch & sniff dessert menu?'

"Why don't I start you off with the contact information of everyone who's read those menus over the last 14 days?"

"My apologies, but that's not a meatball. That's my computer mouse. I've been looking for it."

"When it's extremely cold out, I prefer flambés to winter stews."

'I'm sorry we put bearnaise sauce on your fillet by mistake. Randy will have it off there in a jiffy.'

"It's the Chef Surprise."

'I'm afraid the Chef's Surprise today is that he ran off with one of the waitresses.'

'You made me jump,'

'Yes, all our flambe dishes come with injury, liability insurance.'

'I'm afraid things are rather confused around here today, sir- the Soup of the Day is a grilled-cheese sandwich'

"Dinner looks delicious."

'If that is a toenail, it is a French toenail.'

"To prevent any complaints like "when will our ordered food be served" guests can now follow the work in the kitchen on TV."

Road Kill Cafe.

We've been dating for about 30 minutes, so things are still going well. Please send over the waiter immediately, before everything goes down the toilet. Menu.

'And for the Queen of Whiny Eaters, two pieces of bologna, cut into quarter-inch squares, coated with Abe's Barbecue Sauce...'

Sorry, that's probably one of mine.

'Waiter...!' (there is a human in my soup)

"There's a free pudding for whoever finds the Chef's glass eye."