Ceremonial Chuckler Gifts

'You will now be presented with your degrees. That is, of course, after you jump through another one of our little hoops.'

"The subwoofers really help."

'I got a suspended sentence.'

Employees must cleanse souls before returning to work.

"You may now kiss the... Oh, I see you have already done that!"

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

"The cookies are always stale."

'... Yeah. That just means we aren't much good.'

'What could I have done? The defence's motion was written on legal tender.'

Kisses--Sniff Your A-hole.

"Here's the problem. Your computer isn't obsolete, you are."

The Big Four debate banking ethics

'No kidding? You don't wear anything underneath either?'

'Everyone's a stand-up comic these days.'

Rudolph unblocking a chimney

"You've got to admit, he wears the 'that dog won't hunt' label with a lot of class!"

'Mind giving him his bath now- he'll be asleep when we get home!'

"You think I'm a loose canon, Don't you."

'Your honor, when considering sentencing please note that my client drove a hybrid car that gets 80 MPG.'

"Or was it: 'Bubble, bubble, TOIL and trouble?'"

'It's not a slip and it's supposed to be showing.'

"I keep getting into a flap."

'Time's up, chuckles.'

'Well, actualy, yes... I do think I'm God's Gift to Women.'

Yoga - moooooooo.

"He thinks you're playing fetch."

"I've found it the easiest way to administer nose drops!"

Thank God for the misfits and dregs of society!

Merry Christmas

"Sad, isn't it? And he won't admit he has a problem."

There was certainly no arguing Defense Attorney Smith had a point.

'The Constitution guarantees you a speedy trial -- so hold on tight!'

'...and I promise not to make any rash promises...OOPS!'

I can't talk now. She said WHHHAT?? Call me back in five minutes!

Hello, you have reached the Johnsons. All of our family members are currently busy sharing the events of their day. Please continue to hold, and the next available 4-year-old will be with you shortly. Machines Programmed for Telemarketers.