Ceremony Chuckle Gifts

"You may now kiss the... Oh, I see you have already done that!"

'Okay.. what the hell.'

'He does.'

'Never mind singing it in rap... a simple 'I do' will suffice.'

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

'You will now be presented with your degrees. That is, of course, after you jump through another one of our little hoops.'

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'

'I got a suspended sentence.'

'I still say it was a mistake having the ceremony TOO close to his stag night!'

"The cookies are always stale."

"Excuse me, Father...is the host gluten-free?"

'... Yeah. That just means we aren't much good.'

'I'm sorry, but 'I'll see how I feel on the night' isn't really acceptable.'

'What could I have done? The defence's motion was written on legal tender.'

Industry and Idleness - The industrious apprentice performing the duty of a Christian.

Confirmation of Westminster School Boys at the Abbey

"You're not supposed to throw tinned rice!"

Marriage Returns

"In an effort to avoid controversy, and to accommodate our attention spans, we will be replacing the commencement speaker with fortune cookies."

RETIREMENT VOWS

"I now pronounce you guilty."

'No, the answer is: d ) All of the above.'

Rolling the red carpet before and after the important man

'Mind giving him his bath now- he'll be asleep when we get home!'

Lawyer Xing

'Your honor, when considering sentencing please note that my client drove a hybrid car that gets 80 MPG.'

"No, of course I don't want you to catch a nasty cold but..."

'Hold everything! -- My left brain just kicked in!'

"I always chuckle over how truthful a witness becomes when I drag out my ol' crystal ball."

'And do you, Randall, take Linda and her cat that doesn't like you?'

'Well, actualy, yes... I do think I'm God's Gift to Women.'

"I now pronounce you man and wife... Would you be interested in purchasing a maintenance agreement?"

"It's just a precaution, we've had a few close calls lately."

"I hired out a double for this bit."