Ceremony Chuckle Pillows

"You may now kiss the... Oh, I see you have already done that!"

'Okay.. what the hell.'

'Never mind singing it in rap... a simple 'I do' will suffice.'

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

Graduates on their phones

'He does.'

'You will now be presented with your degrees. That is, of course, after you jump through another one of our little hoops.'

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'

'I got a suspended sentence.'

'I still say it was a mistake having the ceremony TOO close to his stag night!'

"The cookies are always stale."

"Excuse me, Father...is the host gluten-free?"

'... Yeah. That just means we aren't much good.'

Confirmation of Westminster School Boys at the Abbey

'I'm sorry, but 'I'll see how I feel on the night' isn't really acceptable.'

"You're not supposed to throw tinned rice!"

Industry and Idleness - The industrious apprentice performing the duty of a Christian.

Marriage Returns

'What could I have done? The defence's motion was written on legal tender.'

"In an effort to avoid controversy, and to accommodate our attention spans, we will be replacing the commencement speaker with fortune cookies."

"I now pronounce you guilty."

RETIREMENT VOWS

'No, the answer is: d ) All of the above.'

'Mind giving him his bath now- he'll be asleep when we get home!'

Rolling the red carpet before and after the important man

'Your honor, when considering sentencing please note that my client drove a hybrid car that gets 80 MPG.'

Lawyer Xing

"No, of course I don't want you to catch a nasty cold but..."

"It's just a precaution, we've had a few close calls lately."

"I always chuckle over how truthful a witness becomes when I drag out my ol' crystal ball."

'Hold everything! -- My left brain just kicked in!'

"I now pronounce you man and wife... Would you be interested in purchasing a maintenance agreement?"

'Well, actualy, yes... I do think I'm God's Gift to Women.'

'And do you, Randall, take Linda and her cat that doesn't like you?'

"I hired out a double for this bit."