Ceremony Humorist Pillows

'Either you do or you don't - there isn't any 'cooling-off' period!'

'I'm sorry, but 'I'll see how I feel on the night' isn't really acceptable.'

RETIREMENT VOWS

"I now pronounce you guilty."

'Okay.. what the hell.'

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

'He does.'

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

'How about joining us for a soda and pizza after the ceremony?'

'No, but thanks for asking,'

"I do. Have your people contact my people to hammer out the details."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

"What's this for poorer stuff?"

"Excuse me, Reverend, but what, exactly, do you have to do to get a drink around here?"

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

"Why won't you cuddle?"

"Am I going to get my just desserts?"

"Dave here, is a lawyer. But don't be too impressed, he only specialises in petty crime."

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

Lawyer's secretary has in boxes labeled: Before the Fact and After the Fact.

'But your honor, imitation is the sincerest form of copyright infringement.'

"First, I'll read the minutes from your last weddings."

'The highest court in the land.'

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

Bride with a ventriloquist's dummy.

The hour of justice

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

'I didn't know the church sold an extended warrenty on marriage?'

The Aisle

"If either of you know any cause or impediment why you should not be married, INCLUDING YouTube CLIPS, declare it now."

'And by clicking on 'I Agree,' you agree to the terms and conditions...'

"Congratulations, dude, and you may now play tonsil hockey with the bride."

"...and we hope that, for a cyber-crime, you will consider a cyber-penalty."

'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'