Ceremony Satirist Pillows

"In an effort to avoid controversy, and to accommodate our attention spans, we will be replacing the commencement speaker with fortune cookies."

A bride and groom at the altar.

Marriage Returns

"I hired out a double for this bit."

'Okay.. what the hell.'

'I've been knighted by Queen Latifah.'

"You may now kiss the bride - although it's not mandatory, or something any of us really wants to see."

'No, the answer is: d ) All of the above.'

'He does.'

'No, but thanks for asking,'

"...and in conclusion..."

'That's GRAVEN images, not GRAVY images.'

"Professor Van Winkle, the university has instituted Reevaluation of Tenure, time to wake up."

"Sinead?!"

"Excuse me, Father...is the host gluten-free?"

"You can tell it's a classy restaurant - they're ignoring us with panache."

Eucharist

Pastor of Muppets

"This is all so ARBITRARY!"

'I'm sorry, but 'I'll see how I feel on the night' isn't really acceptable.'

"You're not supposed to throw tinned rice!"

"Welcome to The Cable Cafe. Your waiter will be with you between now and 5:00PM."

"Before I start today's sermon let's take 5 minutes to view the highlights reel from the last 3 Sundays..."

'Breast implants? There must be some mistake. I have you down for knee surgery not breast implants!'

'The Bishop called - he'd like to see a copy of that sermon you gave last Sunday.'

Man in church sees sign: Thank you for not yawning.

"I ordered my steak rare - and this is well done...!"

"I now pronounce you guilty."

"Hi again. Can I just check whether you enjoyed me interrupting your meal five minutes ago to ask whether you were enjoying your meal?"

RETIREMENT VOWS

Rolling the red carpet before and after the important man

Mayor Gojo presents a keycard to the city to celebrity.

"D'you have sparkling?"

Tax and Sin...

'Sermon - if he wanted us to eat genetically-modified food, h would have modified them himself.'