Celebration Satirist Pillows

Chinese dragon in the men's room

"Man, I'm going to regret this when I sober up."

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

Michael Jackson - Mission fulfilled.

Volcano Sacrifice Competition

"Of course, I'm willing to negotiate. . ."

"I'd like to have a word with you about this spirit animal."

Litter Tray Stonehenge

Help! Have to pay back a big world bank loan.

"And do you, Stephanie, promise to love, honor and 'obey'?

Dollar Sign Christmas Tree.

Alabama Traffic Jam

Latest Aye Phone

"I hate weddings. They make me feel a momentary lapse of cynicism."

Macho Vegetarian

You're on, caller. What's your problem?! The Oscars were so very, very boring. You decided to sit in front of your tv for four hours watching rich people give themselves awards. YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE ENTERTAINED, LOSER! They're coming out with a new show called "Watching Celebrities Cash Their Checks." You'd probably enjoy that. Get professionally berated at asksadie@rudypark.com.

"I wanted to deliver a message of hope and tolerance in a complex global society but I decided to update them on the Kardashians instead."

'Christmas dinner's almost ready dear.'

"Wait a minute! This is a copy of 'TV Guide.' "

'Celeb Foods: Damien Hurst's voles in brine.'

Matador Artificial Insemination.

'Come in, Jordan - your time is up.'

Queen's final visit to Australia: 'STrewth! Chack anatha prawn on the barbie Phil..'. Charles 'Apparently, the Aussies insisted on a few conditions..'

"You idiot! It's all bare walls and Ikea these days."

"This is all so ARBITRARY!"

Marriage Returns

'That Smith kid just invited us to his church on Easter Sunday!'

Peace Negotiator now available for Weddings, Funerals, Christenings, Barmitzvah

"In an effort to avoid controversy, and to accommodate our attention spans, we will be replacing the commencement speaker with fortune cookies."

'On second thought, maybe we should see other people.'

"This weekend is seriously messing with some of my previously held beliefs."

"Sales of our festive toilet cleaner have gone through the floor...it makes you worry that people have forgotten what the festive season is ALL ABOUT!"

George Clooney.

'No, the answer is: d ) All of the above.'