Ceremonial Humorist Pillows

Once a month she purified the mailbox of the Evil Spirit of Rejection.

"I thought he was about to be knighted, too, didn't you?"

"It's boilerplate marriage vows with a pre-nup rider. Just hit the 'agree' button."

"....but it doesn't half get in the way on the bike."

"Canadian Mt. ‘Rush’more"

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

"I want to dispel the rumor that this redistricting map was drawn by my toddler on an Etch-A-Sketch. . .I'd never met that toddler before."

'He does.'

"This next one is my own quirky rendition of Berlioz's 'Symphonie Fantastique,' Movement 5, 'Dream of a Witches' Sabbath.'"

"I was going to play the Moonlight Sonata, but I forgot the key."

"Not now, my love. I'm feeling preminstrel."

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

The Phantom Of The Garden

"They'll be expecting adagio. Go with the allegro."

Guitar pickin'

Opera singer singing to her partner who is wearing a gas mask on due to her bad breath.

Double Saxophone

Rap-scallions

"Who is 'coming around the mountain,' John? Could it be your mother?"

Pay me not to pay 'Wonderwall'

"Beans, Them Beans, Them Beans, Beans, Beans..."

Edward Elgar.

'Never mind singing it in rap...a simple 'I do' will suffice.''

"Ding" "Dong"

No Instruments Please

All Les's dreams of stardom were coming true, and he'd only played one note.

Dr. Phil takes it home.

"Y'know, sooner or later we're going to have to let her go out unaccompanied."

"There can be no doubt. This proves it. We gotta have more cow bell."

Maurice Ravel.

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

A saxophone player reads music that says, 'Dade, dade, dade, dade, dade, deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee' with the eeeeeeees falling off the music stand onto the floor.

'For your penance, download five 'Hail marys' and ten 'Our fathers'.'

'If asked, we should all agree that this seminar never happened.'

How to deliver a baby grand.