Virtual Ceremony Humorist Pillows

Graduating from an online university.

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"Technology isn't making me smarter. It's allowing me to be dumb, faster."

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"Would you like to keep eighty-seven tabs open?"

Graduates on their phones

"OMG, LOL!"

'He does.'

I put a picture of my lunch on Facebook, and nobody hit "like." Who doesn't like Slim Jims and beer?

"Sorry, website closed for lunch."

"I change my mantra every two months so no one can hack my soul."

Terry had a computer bug.

"Will follow you on social media for food."

Hardware and software

'My dog ate my computer.'

"That's the trouble with cute kittens - they attract a lot of traffic."

"Larry, what's the weather forecast?" "Let me ask you something. Did you make waffles this morning? Because someone had maple syrup on their hands, and I seem to recall a hand moving me... a pretty, pretty, pretty sticky hand..."

"I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. You're about to be inundated with phone calls from the press." "Whatever, geek-boy." "You're now the world's foremost authority on Turkey leprosy, the disease that's threatening to ruin the holidays." "No one'll believe that." "Oh yeah? I wrote a Wikipedia page for Turkey leprosy, too, along with examples of all the historical figures it's killed, such as the Archduke of Crushistan." "There is no 'Crushistan.'" "I've written a Wikipedia entry for C

Standard Life Aberdeen Rebrand

Aladdin conjures up a virtual genie.

"Don't worry about her sucking her thumb. Soon she'll be texting with it."

The Smartass Phone

Bill was so determined to Twitter no one dared tell him he couldn't do it with a calculator.

"....and then it turned out that the e-mail I ignored that I got from the Nigerian bank offering me £200 million was REAL!"

"Alright. What should we watch first - the Youtube video or the comments below?"

"The incessant chatter was driving me crackers, so I got him his own twitter account."

Zumma Cum Laude

'The boss said to get rid of all the pirated software before he returns, which will be in about five to ten years.'

"Grandpa's not tech savvy. If I want to unfriend someone, I say, 'I don't like you anymore' to their face."

'for more obit info, go to...'

S�ance "I'm through to your husbands voice-mail"

The Escape Key

Terms and conditions

"Does 14 followers on Twitter count as 'leadership experience'?"

"I'm just gonna reach in my back pocket real slow-like and turn off my ringer."