Courtroom Chuckler Pillows

'The Constitution guarantees you a speedy trial -- so hold on tight!'

'... Yeah. That just means we aren't much good.'

'I got a suspended sentence.'

There was certainly no arguing Defense Attorney Smith had a point.

Legal Eagle Ernie Esquire Answers Your Questions "Ernie Esquire, What's the philosophy behind no-fault divorce?" Leave and let leave.

'What could I have done? The defence's motion was written on legal tender.'

'Your honor, when considering sentencing please note that my client drove a hybrid car that gets 80 MPG.'

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

'So Captain Ahab, I put it to you that you were deliberately stalking my client!'

'I got an alleged C on my criminal law test.'

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"Just for the heck of it, how do you plead?"

My Brother Al once went through a period of depression, your honor. He would just sit around in his robe all day. Then his psychiatrist got him out of his funk. Would you like to have his doctor's phone number? ? ?

"Oh dear, it's just as we suspected.. they do come from another planet."

Junior barrister prompting a deaf and testy chief

"Bailiff."

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

Law School teacher.

"You can't plead cute."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

"#notguilty."

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

'You can't reject my manuscript without due process!'