Courtroom Chuckle Seekers Pillows

'Is your client qualified to give a urine sample.'

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

A baby in court

"Permission To Treat Prosecutor as Hostile, Your Honor?"

'Your honor, if I may digress for a moment, who does your hair?'

"Isn't it true that the prosecution offered you a bone to testify?"

'I got a suspended sentence.'

"The Defendant must stop trying to side-step every question the prosecution asks!"

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

Baby's first words.

"Mr. Evans, it's a speeding ticket. You can't plea insanity."

'Overruled, you may continue.'

"Can you identify the person who assaulted you and then stole your title?"

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

"Well, perhaps 'guilty' is too strong a word."

Stenographer wants 15 minutes of court repeated

'We, the jury, find the defendant guilty... and his attorney obnoxious.'

'... Yeah. That just means we aren't much good.'

'My client doesn't wish to answer any more questions.'

'Ladies and Gentlemen of the press- what is your verdict...?'

'What could I have done? The defence's motion was written on legal tender.'

'My client is requesting a little more wiggle room,your Honor.'

'Do you still insist on taking the fifth on how many fifths you took on the fifth?'

"If it please Your Honor, may I redo the bench?"

'How do you want me to answer that question, Norm? As an attorney, or as your best friend?'

'As to bond - while I personally have faith in your client the court cannot ignore the obvious risk of flight.'

"Case dismissed."

'My client wasn't going to keep the money, Your Honor - He only robbed the bank to get on a reality show.'

'If the verdict is guilty, Mr. Foreman, simply say 'Guilty.' Please refrain from shouting 'Yer outta here'....'

I have to wear these because I saw my eye doctor this morning. What's your excuse? Excuse? I've got the best excuse in the world: I dig Roy Orbison!

About That Lifetime Appointment Thing

'No kidding? You don't wear anything underneath either?'

'To save the state the expense of a trial, I thought I'd run off to Spain.'

'Your Honor, I'm sure you'll agree that imposing bail in this case is wholly unnecessary, given that my client poses no flight risk.'