Campaign Chuckler Gifts

'...and I promise not to make any rash promises...OOPS!'

'You will now be presented with your degrees. That is, of course, after you jump through another one of our little hoops.'

'Fred is a social conservative -- he believes in slow food and heavy beer.'

"The subwoofers really help."

'I'm sorry Timmy, but if I keep going for help, you'll never learn to take care of yourself,'

Darwin first tested his theory in a letter to a magazine ('Lookalike' letter points to similarity between man and ape.)

'He hasn't responded to training - he still insists on taking Alec to his slippers....'

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

'Thank you but I'm a bit sensitive to ethnic food.'

"The cookies are always stale."

'Ain't no lonelier life than being a free-range chicken boy.'

"Here's the problem. Your computer isn't obsolete, you are."

Kisses--Sniff Your A-hole.

'The hair plugs are that noticeable, huh?'

Corona virus: "Wow, I seem to be getting lots of attention lately."

'I think cowboys are just plain lazy: Why else would you have to carry them all the time?'

'The doctors said you were so nervous about the operation they had to give you a tranquiliser.'

Jeb Can Ficks It

"You've got to admit, he wears the 'that dog won't hunt' label with a lot of class!"

"Pandemic! That's a pretty name."

'Get with it, buddy -- that mile of highway you adopted has snow all over it!'

'So, Cameron and Clegg have formed a coition.' - 'Sorry, coalition.' - 'Reminder to self. 'No more cheese before bed time.''

'I understand the plight of average crustaceans... Because I'm just an average crustacean myself.'

'Bless you!'

'In view of the crap you talk, I'd suggest to take this, sir, before you get sued for environmental pollution.'

"Quick on his feet means if you can't answer a question, run away!

'Yes, I did receive your resume. As a matter of fact, I'm passing it around the office as we speak.'

It's not the Winning. It's the Taking Part that Counts. Vote Lib Dem.

"Gwen, call the employment agency back, please, we just created our first 3-D employee!"

I know I'm a wooden campaigner but elect me chief and I promise I'll bop heads for you every day!

'Time's up, chuckles.'

J-J-JOE'S B-B-BAR, 'Actually, Joe's done pretty well for a guy with a speech impediment.'