Centenarian Humor Gifts

'You've got a text from the queen.'

"Why bother?"

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

Shirley Temple...The later years.. - 'Animal crackers in my poop...'

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

How are you feeling today? I feel just like a newborn baby. Really? Yes. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.

"We're neither software nor hardware. We're your parents."

"What say we shake things up a bit, and go in and ask for a couple of home-pregnancy test kits."

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

"Hey! I was trained in 1948 and was good enough for then, so it's good enough for now....whipper-snapper!"

"Don't let old age get you down. It's too difficult to get up again."

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, What do you think of younger men? -kl. *(Actual reader letter) Ask Sadie at rudy@rudypark.com. Depends. Younger men have strong jaws and rock-hard abs, but they're missing the sexiest thing: they're not crotchety jerks, set in their ways, willing to argue about anything and say totally stupid things. Hey, doesn't that foul old wretch realize I've got rock-hard abs and a steel jaw?! (This cartoon was originally published on 2014-07-12)

'He's disappointed with the Queen's card - he wanted a rude one!'

"He said his goal was to make it to 100."

"You boys who have to take your medications with food, now's the time."

Life begins at 60

"Greatest Band?"

'Dang.'

"Mom, does granddad want me to run away? He's playing that Disco music again!"

"I'm living proof that life begins at forty-three."

'You are always living in the past!'

"Those speedbumps are there for a reason, Mrs. Gunderson."

High pants/Low pants.

"Things were really different when I was growing up. Childhoods today are much longer."

At the Old Bikers' Home

"This is my mom's phone. Instead of a hashtag, it has a pound sign."

"Ha! This younger is so absorbed in social media that he cannot appreciate his youth, unlike I, aging millennial, who cannot appreciate his thirties."

"It's the Florida kid."

Why can't you just buy some extra memory like everybody else?

"I see Arthur's arthritus is acting up again."

"Face it, Dear, we're in a desperate battle with gravity...and it's winning!"

Mountain has tunnel called Carpal Tunnel.