Celebration Of Absurdity Gifts

Matador

"I thought we agreed you weren't going to work at home."

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

"He was a sea rescue."

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'

Admit it. We have a drinking problem.

"Now you can send it."

Humans Queue To Use Portable Toilet While Dogs Queue To Use Tree Portable Toilet

The Ekert Saga: 'Ah, another week of school begins...might as well try to make the most of it!...You're crampin' my style, Ekert.'

'Because the horned one commands them to, that's how!'

'It's in my belly-button if you must know!'

"Mom! Dad! Do something!"

Government survey into the effects of haggis throwing in Ethiopia.

"My Weight Watchers meeting's tonight. I'd better get inside."

'Everybody from Liverpool's a comedian.'

UFO and snowman

'Let's get a kitty.'

Baseball.

'Miss Jones, take this down.'

Operation.

'Did anyone hand in a mature stilton last week?'

Salome on Settle (also called Maitresse d'Orchestre) - intended for book but suppressed

A castaway on an island with an old TV that's washed ashore, sees two men in an approaching boat marked, 'TV Licensing'.

Nun fight at the OK Corral.

'Bad as this may look, it's actually the perfect accompaniment with your entree.'

'Ok, now if everyone could just hold still.'

Trapeze artists commuting

A patient, a doctor and a deep sea diver

Scuba Diving Devil

''Tough crowd in tonight!''

The Hypnotato,

"Yes, but can your philosophical speculations on existence also be relative to why I crossed the road?"

The Bonvoy Age...

"Hold on, I'll make that coffee to go!"

'I'm telling you I don't know where your goat is, look in the classifieds.'