Absurdity Appreciation Gifts

"Hands up!"

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

Tourists and their Pets.

'Before you can enter, you need to punch in the verification code so we can be certain that you're a real soul,'

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

Glance Exchange

Barcode Dreams

Giant ape juggling planes and captive.

"I have to refill it everyday. He has a tendency to retain water."

Penguins flying to igloo birdhouse

"Bigfoot"

'Oh great. Our luggage has been sent to Alpha Centauri.'

Extreme Sisyphus

Optimist

Zoo: No Hunting.

The deadly sport of cobra staring contests.

Admit it. We have a drinking problem.

"Good news. It's a small pig."

"Now that's what I'M talkin' 'bout!"

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

"And once you've achieved your 25% improvement in client satisfaction surveys, we need you to solve the problem of global warming,third world poverty and cold toast."

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

'After years of practicing in empty theaters, Horace's dream of becoming a soft-shoe dancer seemed as remote as ever.'

"Squirting flower, squirting flower...."

The Ekert Saga: 'Ah, another week of school begins...might as well try to make the most of it!...You're crampin' my style, Ekert.'

"But you can eat as much as you want from the tree of bullshit."

"Leon, honey, you break all the rules of dramaturgy."

"And the Hungriest Black Hole there ever was ate everything in the entire universe and lived happily ever after."

"I now pronounce you a partial place setting."

"Could you tilt the Earth just a bit more away from the light?"