Absurdity Appreciation Gifts

"Hands up!"

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

Tourists and their Pets.

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

'Oh great. Our luggage has been sent to Alpha Centauri.'

"I have to refill it everyday. He has a tendency to retain water."

Giant ape juggling planes and captive.

Barcode Dreams

Glance Exchange

Extreme Sisyphus

Optimist

"Good news. It's a small pig."

Admit it. We have a drinking problem.

Zoo: No Hunting.

The deadly sport of cobra staring contests.

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

"Now that's what I'M talkin' 'bout!"

"And once you've achieved your 25% improvement in client satisfaction surveys, we need you to solve the problem of global warming,third world poverty and cold toast."

'After years of practicing in empty theaters, Horace's dream of becoming a soft-shoe dancer seemed as remote as ever.'

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

"And the Hungriest Black Hole there ever was ate everything in the entire universe and lived happily ever after."

"Squirting flower, squirting flower...."

"Could you tilt the Earth just a bit more away from the light?"

"But you can eat as much as you want from the tree of bullshit."

Fred's new phone plan included unlimited Dada.

"Leon, honey, you break all the rules of dramaturgy."

"Valet park only"