Everyday Absurdity Appreciator Gifts

Man in traffic jam watches couple row while eating popcorn.

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

Barcode Dreams

Giant ape juggling planes and captive.

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"I have to refill it everyday. He has a tendency to retain water."

'Oh great. Our luggage has been sent to Alpha Centauri.'

Glance Exchange

Optimist

Zoo: No Hunting.

"Now you can send it."

"Now that's what I'M talkin' 'bout!"

"Good news. It's a small pig."

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

The deadly sport of cobra staring contests.

"And once you've achieved your 25% improvement in client satisfaction surveys, we need you to solve the problem of global warming,third world poverty and cold toast."

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

"And the Hungriest Black Hole there ever was ate everything in the entire universe and lived happily ever after."

"Could you tilt the Earth just a bit more away from the light?"

"But you can eat as much as you want from the tree of bullshit."

The Ekert Saga: 'Ah, another week of school begins...might as well try to make the most of it!...You're crampin' my style, Ekert.'

Fred's new phone plan included unlimited Dada.

"Leon, honey, you break all the rules of dramaturgy."

"Valet park only"

The missiles had failed...so it was down to Frank...and plan B.

'It's in my belly-button if you must know!'