Everyday Absurdity Admirer Gifts

Company Parties at the DMV

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

"Good" "Bad" "Work on it" "Keep working - maybe it's not as bad as you think it is" "Put it to a committee" "Give up" "Make it worse" "Make it better" "Still a bad idea" "Overthink it" "Throw yourself into a pit of wild badgers" "Throw it away" "Call it done" "Sigh."

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

'Before you can enter, you need to punch in the verification code so we can be certain that you're a real soul,'

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

Giant ape juggling planes and captive.

'Oh great. Our luggage has been sent to Alpha Centauri.'

Barcode Dreams

Glance Exchange

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

"I have to refill it everyday. He has a tendency to retain water."

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

"Bigfoot"

Penguins flying to igloo birdhouse

Optimist

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

Zoo: No Hunting.

The deadly sport of cobra staring contests.

"Good news. It's a small pig."

"Now you can send it."

Admit it. We have a drinking problem.

"And once you've achieved your 25% improvement in client satisfaction surveys, we need you to solve the problem of global warming,third world poverty and cold toast."

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

"But you can eat as much as you want from the tree of bullshit."

"Could you tilt the Earth just a bit more away from the light?"

"I now pronounce you a partial place setting."

"Leon, honey, you break all the rules of dramaturgy."

"And the Hungriest Black Hole there ever was ate everything in the entire universe and lived happily ever after."

"Who's next?"