Absurd Humor Admirer Gifts

King Cow

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

Murder in Apartment 6-K

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

Pastry Hat

Optimist

Zoo: No Hunting.

Boomerang cow.

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

'I told you it wouldn't work.'

Herding lava back to the fire pit.

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

'I'm afraid I'll fall and no one will hear me.'

"Aaaaugh! It's the Zombie Alpacalypse!"

"I see you haven't forgotten how to play with your balls, honey." "Thanks."

Presidential surveillance ass!"

Monster Clown

'I'll raise you, Lazarus...'

"Now that we've fallen in love, I have a confession. I'm not a giraffe—I'm fifty-eight weasels in a trenchcoat."

Franz Kafka

'I don't want to be a nuisance, you can shoot me if it's more convenient.'

"You inherited an extra toe from your father and didn't pay the inheritance tax on it."

"Percy Shattock, Page Three Girls...1979 to 1986."

'I'm about to die and now I realise I have REALLY BAD breath!'

'Notice the nice safety feature...crash-proof bumpers!'

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

"Is it OK if I turn the humidifier up a bit?"

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Jesus has a Practice Before Raising Lazarus.

The International Airline Basketball Tournament

"A man threatens to destroy town with army of turtles after dispute with city hall. Local authorities initiate a shell-ter in place in preparation for the noc-turtle invasion."

"It must be near New Year's Day...There are Easter eggs in the shop windows!"

A Centaur Taking A Shower