Life's Absurdity Appreciator Gifts

'I used to be self-employed, but I got fired!'

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

"I need to tinkle."

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

'Before you can enter, you need to punch in the verification code so we can be certain that you're a real soul,'

"I have to refill it everyday. He has a tendency to retain water."

Barcode Dreams

Giant ape juggling planes and captive.

Penguins flying to igloo birdhouse

'Oh great. Our luggage has been sent to Alpha Centauri.'

Optimist

The deadly sport of cobra staring contests.

"Now you can send it."

"Now that's what I'M talkin' 'bout!"

Zoo: No Hunting.

"Good news. It's a small pig."

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

"And once you've achieved your 25% improvement in client satisfaction surveys, we need you to solve the problem of global warming,third world poverty and cold toast."

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

"I now pronounce you a partial place setting."

"But you can eat as much as you want from the tree of bullshit."

The Ekert Saga: 'Ah, another week of school begins...might as well try to make the most of it!...You're crampin' my style, Ekert.'

"Leon, honey, you break all the rules of dramaturgy."

"And the Hungriest Black Hole there ever was ate everything in the entire universe and lived happily ever after."

"Could you tilt the Earth just a bit more away from the light?"

'It's in my belly-button if you must know!'

The missiles had failed...so it was down to Frank...and plan B.

"What if the cat stuck in the tree has a gun? Is that an emergency?"

'I'll raise you, Lazarus...'

Presidential surveillance ass!"