Life's Absurdities Aficionado Gifts

'The Human Comedy needs a laugh track.'

"Oh well - same shit, different day. . .!"

"Good" "Bad" "Work on it" "Keep working - maybe it's not as bad as you think it is" "Put it to a committee" "Give up" "Make it worse" "Make it better" "Still a bad idea" "Overthink it" "Throw yourself into a pit of wild badgers" "Throw it away" "Call it done" "Sigh."

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

"Bigfoot"

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

Glance Exchange

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"Now you can send it."

Fred's new phone plan included unlimited Dada.

Herding lava back to the fire pit.

"Who's next?"

'He refuses to leave without the tree and their son.'

"Valet park only"

One way only.

"It's my helper trout!"

"Remember that time I let you steer the boat and we crashed and had to swim here to die? Remember?"

Ship upsidedown in a bottle has rescue boat in bottle next to it.

'Hey! You're not for real, are you man?'

Operation.

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

"I like fountains very much!"

Fish swimming in a pint of beer.

". . . so a duck walks into a . . ."

'You need some stress.'

"Would you describe the pain everyone else causes you as dull and throbbing or sharp like a knife?"

"Has it occurred to you one of us might be a mirage?"

"Bad dog!"

Man guarding a written border.

"Well, I finally saw a shrink today."

"Well, by that logic no one would ever shave a clock onto a monkey."

"Phil, could I speak to you for a moment, not as your doctor but as your horse?"

'I knew it! Important Exclusion 347, 'Plummeting Pachyderms'. . .'

"How was I supposed to know she was allergic?"