Life's Absurdity Aficionados Gifts

"Would you describe the pain everyone else causes you as dull and throbbing or sharp like a knife?"

"Good" "Bad" "Work on it" "Keep working - maybe it's not as bad as you think it is" "Put it to a committee" "Give up" "Make it worse" "Make it better" "Still a bad idea" "Overthink it" "Throw yourself into a pit of wild badgers" "Throw it away" "Call it done" "Sigh."

"I need to tinkle."

Tourists and their Pets.

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

"Bigfoot"

Glance Exchange

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

Admit it. We have a drinking problem.

Humans Queue To Use Portable Toilet While Dogs Queue To Use Tree Portable Toilet

"Valet park only"

'He refuses to leave without the tree and their son.'

Fred's new phone plan included unlimited Dada.

The Ekert Saga: 'Ah, another week of school begins...might as well try to make the most of it!...You're crampin' my style, Ekert.'

'Because the horned one commands them to, that's how!'

"Who's next?"

'It's in my belly-button if you must know!'

One way only.

Ship upsidedown in a bottle has rescue boat in bottle next to it.

"What are you talking about? We don’t even have a toilet seat!"

"Remember that time I let you steer the boat and we crashed and had to swim here to die? Remember?"

"My Weight Watchers meeting's tonight. I'd better get inside."

"It's my helper trout!"

Government survey into the effects of haggis throwing in Ethiopia.

"Mom! Dad! Do something!"

Monster Clown

'Upon further review, the pig did not have control of the ball prior to being eaten...'

Breakfast surreal.

'Let's get a kitty.'

'Hey! You're not for real, are you man?'

"I like fountains very much!"

'You need some stress.'

Fish swimming in a pint of beer.

". . . so a duck walks into a . . ."