Absurdity Appreciators Gifts

'I get better results with a live elephant and an invisible fence.'

"Of course it's square! It would roll away if it wasn't!"

'It's in my belly-button if you must know!'

Learning to Swim

'Are you sure that's the man who killed your husband Mrs.Mahoney?'

Scuba Diving Devil

"Hold on, I'll make that coffee to go!"

'Let's get a kitty.'

Kangaroo and Periscope.

Stalker at the vatican

Losers.

Government survey into the effects of haggis throwing in Ethiopia.

"It's the people who sold us the puppy...going on about some sort of mix up."

'It's like this: I love this rubber tire and as soon as we're able, we're going to get married.'

Mad reindeer disease

'I'm telling you I don't know where your goat is, look in the classifieds.'

Wentworth patiently waits for his receipt.

"Mom! Dad! Do something!"

'I had to scratch my butt.'

'They've been relocated because hell is full.'

The Ekert Saga: 'Ah, another week of school begins...might as well try to make the most of it!...You're crampin' my style, Ekert.'

'Be careful. The plate is hot!'

"Father McCallister says the vow of silence also precludes the use of a publicist."

A guide to eight-legged animals.

"You're gonna be happy to learn your husband's annual overnight disappearances have a perfectly innocent explanation, Mrs. Claus."

Bowl-O-Rama. What

"My Weight Watchers meeting's tonight. I'd better get inside."

Urban Ice Fishing

Vending surveillance mascot

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

"Good" "Bad" "Work on it" "Keep working - maybe it's not as bad as you think it is" "Put it to a committee" "Give up" "Make it worse" "Make it better" "Still a bad idea" "Overthink it" "Throw yourself into a pit of wild badgers" "Throw it away" "Call it done" "Sigh."

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'