Laughing At The Absurd Gifts

"Welcome back, Mr. Bigley. Some messages came in for you while you were dead."

"Ok Mr. Mosley, before we go, would you fill in these forms and complete the questionnaire - not forgetting to leave feedback regarding your judgement-day experience. . ."

"I thought we agreed you weren't going to work at home."

"I need to tinkle."

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'

You don't need to believe EVERYTHING you are told.

"I think I've fixed the intercom. Just remember to speak into the ceiling fan when the doorbell rings."

'Because the horned one commands them to, that's how!'

Monster Clown

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

'Miss Jones, take this down.'

UFO and snowman

Baseball.

60 minutes I.Q. test - pick the counterfeit.

'Did anyone hand in a mature stilton last week?'

Nun fight at the OK Corral.

Salome on Settle (also called Maitresse d'Orchestre) - intended for book but suppressed

'Bad as this may look, it's actually the perfect accompaniment with your entree.'

'Ok, now if everyone could just hold still.'

The Bonvoy Age...

''Tough crowd in tonight!''

Magnet at scrapyard

The Hypnotato,

A patient, a doctor and a deep sea diver

A headless man puts up a poster for his lost head.

Albert should have known that cactuses rarely have change. Besides, they prefer jazz.

"Tell me again why we couldn't get an Easter bunny."

After his 'Activity Weekend' Uncle Reg was a changed man.

A production line adds condiments to cars

As Lucanus, a giant bug, awoke one morning from uneasy dreams, he found himself transformed into Franz Kafka.

A Heated Argument

'Man, this elevator goes on forever...'

'My 'harrumphs' are losing their volume.'

'Sorry Ma'am, but I only do palm-readings...'