Cattle Chuckler Gifts

"Year after year we sit here quietly raising eyebrows, son."

World of Cow.

Erm...what the hell is cud, anyway?

'It's bad news I'm afraid,we're asprins'

"They say the mortality rates could be as high as 3%..Better buy more toilet rolls!"

'Boy, watch out for that pursestring suture!'

'I'm sorry Timmy, but if I keep going for help, you'll never learn to take care of yourself,'

Darwin first tested his theory in a letter to a magazine ('Lookalike' letter points to similarity between man and ape.)

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

How was I supposed to know she was under age?

'I'm referring you to a specialist who isn't as afraid to die as I am.'

"Pff! That orang utan's obviously a crisis actor!"

Kisses--Sniff Your A-hole.

Corona virus: "Wow, I seem to be getting lots of attention lately."

'I think cowboys are just plain lazy: Why else would you have to carry them all the time?'

'For him, all food is fast food.'

Philosophy of Forestry: 'How much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Walt? Roger? Steve? Anyone?'

'The hair plugs are that noticeable, huh?'

Jesus Seals the Hick...

"Isn't this just a repeat of his 1332 Christmas special."

"Sounds like a lot of 'EIEIO' to me!"

"I bit someone once. It tasted like chicken."

Oh, those are just photos of my first 1,000 kids – I haven't shown you the second 1,000 yet.

"Pandemic! That's a pretty name."

'Get with it, buddy -- that mile of highway you adopted has snow all over it!'

'Bless you!'

"I keep getting into a flap."

"Sorry for the confusion, but it's Poetry Night, not Poultry Night."

"I just talked to Grunzman on the phone when he called in sick...I fear he really has got something very, very highly contagious!"

"Yes, I'm vegan and no longer eat the prey animals but it's still a lot of fun to kill them!"

Is it true that all cats are free thinkers? Yeah, we can't stand dogma.

"One man's meat is another man's beloved pet."

'I won't introduce you - he's an arable farmer. Absolutely arable.'

'Hey - I was in line first! There you go again...messing up the pecking order!'

"Sad, isn't it? And he won't admit he has a problem."