Castle Defender Gifts

'So far we're holding off overseas competition.'

'Your task will be to save the castle from catapulted rocks.'

Society for the preservation of dragons - "You don't want them to become extinct do you."

'I think they're up to something.'

Bubble; 'This castle manager job better be for real.'

'The knights are drawing closer'

This castle manager job better be for real.

Knight sees sign near castle: 'Prince's Parking, All Others Will Be Toad.'

Knight walking a dog.

Quadruple dark hot chocolate. Whoa, everything all right? Sure, yeah, great. I'm a journalist and writer in an era in which the printed word has been totally devalued by free distribution of information on the internet. Can I pay in prose? Point taken.

"Today we're going to talk about lowering the drawbridge."

"Brutus! Attack with reasonable force!"

'What a lot of fuss, fancy being afraid of an 'itsy-bitsy' little mouse like this!'

"I said hot, boiling oil! Not cold, refreshing milk!"

'Oh dear, Hamlet seems to have developed turrets syndrome.'

No, you were supposed to check the doorbell camera before lowering the drawbridge.

"Remember, the password is case sensitive."

Grimm's Fairytales - The Golden Bird

Castle Efficiency

'How long did you try before calling?'

"Put on a tie. We've been invited to the castle."

'Ed, see if you can find out why Henderson, Morgan and Caldwell are building a moat around their building.'

An incident from the Eglinton Tournament, scene 2.

"Why can't you bring me a rodent like a normal cat?"

"Bloody cold-callers - I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind. . .!!"

We all have our jobs to do here --- You guard against burglars and I'm the food critic.

"He said the only thing he wanted for his birthday was a wave machine."

'If you ask me, all his tough talk on national issues is seriously undermined by the fuzzy pajamas.'

Art Theft

'I hear a burglar downstairs, the poor fool.'

"It's another birthday card for me...!"

'Go on then.....Rule!'

'Is that the trebuchet?'

"You and your stones collection!"

"Sire, the barbarian's are no longer at the gate...they're inside it!"