Kingdom Defender Gifts

"Don't give me this stupid 'Renaissance' stuff! - The Middle Ages were good enough for my father and they're good enough for me!"

Hey Rudy, you've been in there for over an hour. You ok in there? I think I'm dying here. What? D'you need me to call 911? I don't think that'll help. I just need to build more pikemen and cavalry and buy a defense boost before the enemy's march reaches my city. Get off your phone!!! I'm saving the kingdom here! It's important!

Dear Santa, please can I have a powerful herbicide for Christmas. Best wishes, Adam.

Society for the preservation of dragons - "You don't want them to become extinct do you."

How can I enjoy that clean, fresh, salt air when I'm up to my neck in garbage?

"For goodness sake, not again, it's day-time but we can't see the sky: It must be another oil spill..."

"Is this the same gold bar I gave you last year?"

"He doesn't suffer fools gladly."

'So far we're holding off overseas competition.'

Due To High Winds Crawling Is Banned Today

Quadruple dark hot chocolate. Whoa, everything all right? Sure, yeah, great. I'm a journalist and writer in an era in which the printed word has been totally devalued by free distribution of information on the internet. Can I pay in prose? Point taken.

"If we went to war, wouldn't God be on the spot?"

"The militant hard-liners are making demands, the fanatical zealots are issuing threats, and the moderate centrists are offering suggestions."

'I hate to tell you this, but there was a hole in my pocket, and I lost the budget surplus.'

An angry Shark has finally found the person who has his missing Jaws and teeth being mounted as a trophy

"This Save the Whales Number has got to go, pet."

No, you were supposed to check the doorbell camera before lowering the drawbridge.

OH NO - Here come the wet-wipes..!!!

"It's not easy being green…"

BP vows to donate revenues from the blown-out oil well to wildlife rehabilitation.

"First, they take my domain, then they take my domain name."

'Your task will be to save the castle from catapulted rocks.'

Sea temperatures hottest on record

Whale shoots rocket at whaling boat.

"You can tell beaches are closed - there's less trash."

Art Theft

'You can read, right? -- I want you to check this thing for loopholes.'

The Humpback Whale . . . or as the Japanese call it, sushi.

Cocaine discovered in UK shrimp. . .

You mean this sewage has already been treated?

'I'm beginning to think that you're WILLFULLY apathetic!'

Save the Cacti.

"My majesty!....Hm....I like the sound of that!"

'So far I've got Sacramento Kings, L.A. Kings, Kings of Leon, Kings of Comedy, King of Rock 'n Roll...Have I left anyone out of your trademark infringement suit, sire?'

'Do you get the feeling we're being watched?' Moles prepare for their assault on a newly mowed lawn