Carlin Fan Gifts

"I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State...."

Under pressure.

Dragon Recycling the Knights it has defeated

The Problem with On-the-fly Christmas Caroling

'He'll stop being so smug when he gets his first dent.'

'They're alright if you like Charlie Chaplin inflight movies.'

"Hurray! I just got born!"

"Kid!! We know you're in there!!! Either come out or commence to fightin'!!!!"

'Whomever pulls the sword from the stone will lead this project.'

"You think you're gonna whack me and this will be over?"

Dogs and Chickens

'I'm here, Mom, hanging out with some friends.'

"You know, he's not nearly as scary close up!"

"So, it's decided, the party will be on the tenth and BYO drinks as usual..."

'Hey, look�The carnival must be in town'

"A valiant effort, Mike, but just accept that you're going bald."

"Step right up, lady and gents, and scoop yourself a heaping helping of the best spicy meat and bean stew this side of the mighty Mississippi!"

Man domesticates the chicken (centuries later, eggs were found to be edible).

"Did you order takeout?"

Guide Dogs

A Migrating Chicken

"It's just the usual Wednesday crowd."

"Why have you come over here?"

Lancelot put to the Test.

"She's had work done on those."

Battery Chicken.

'Don't worry, it's perfectly normal to see a mirage every now and again...'

'Don't worry, if we are attaked I will always put you first.'

Rollercoaster police chase.

"Funnily enough, although Rex said I was "too chicken to try", I made the sensible choice..."

Carioca

GUESS YOUR WEIGHT, but lie to make you feel better!