Carbohydrate-conscious Gifts

I TRIED to give my teacher an apple...but she won't touch any carbohydrates!

"Oh, boy, hard-core sugar!"

'McWit, that's not what's meant by carbo loading.'

'I'm tired of this bread and water diet.'

"I'm retaining doughnuts."

Deep in the Heart of Texas: The Cholesterol Kid.

'I warned you about stuffing yourself with carbs, didn't I?'

The big pause

"One slice—hold the bread."

"Quit chasing carbs, try a protein bar."

'I understand the concept, sir, but I think I'd do better if it were a donut.'

"Got anything else? I gave up carbs."

Complex Carbs

Complex Carbohydrates

'The automatic doors won't open.' 'Your carbon footprints are too light.'

"She thinks I think it's real latte, but I know decaf when I taste it."

The Penultimate Temptation of Christ

'Hundreds of years of medical progress, and all you can tell me to do is eat less?'

Crusty Bread

"That reminds me, your Dentist called."

Bakery. Don't you just love that new carb smell?!

"I thought you were trying to go carb-free?"

Ernie's on a high-protein diet and craving foods he can't have. They're creeping into everything he says. Whatcha watching, Ernie? I'm trying to decide between "Game of Scones" and that zombie show, "The Walking Bread." Later I might watch some "Dancing with the Starch." Ernie, leave room for that political drama you enjoy so much. Oh yeah, I love binging on "House of Carbs"!

Café. Lo Carb Specialties Diner. It's ironic that they advertise on a sandwich board.

"Psst... jelly doughnuts."

'No, no, no. I think it's great that you exercise and diet. I just wonder if perhaps you exercise and diet too much.'

Carb free support group: 'Oh boy! I can have my cake and not eat it, too!'

'Not that we don't appreciate the popcorn, but how about something low-carb next time?'

"But Dear, there were no fat people before bread was invented!"

Bad Carbs

"I'm taking you off sugar, carbs, red meat, poultry, dairy, non-dairy and anything served in a bucket."

Low Carb Slop

'Hey, uh, maybe you oughta take a break from the sugar water.'

'We'll have to be more aggressive with your diet. I'd like to try something I call 'The Carbivore''.

"Pasta-nonymous Tuesdays & Thursdays. Unlimited breadsticks at 7."