Carb-conscious Cook Gifts

'Raymond, do you really love me or just my low-carbohydrate meat?'

'We'll never be able to eat it all before it spoils -- how about a rabbit or something instead?'

'May future generations forgive you for eating that sausage...'

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

Barbecue raises a cloud of smoke; birds and squirrel in tree above wear gas masks.

Vegetarian Nightmare.

"Geoffrey's seasonal. I'm regional."

"I can't hurry when ordering. There's a lot of ecological geopolitics involved here."

"It's so nice to gather and enjoy a simple home-cooked meal together."

Eat Locally - All Roadkill From 8-Mile Radius

'I'm writing a vegetarian cook book.'

"Our vegan dishes are the same as what cows eat: Nitrates, Pesticides, Ammonia, Antibiotics..."

'Would you like that organic, locally grown, carbon neutral, fair trade, trans fat-free, sugar-free, gluten-free and peanut-free?'

"The insect menu is very popular nowadays."

'Could I have the traditional Christmas dinner but without meat or dairy and could guarantee it's organic and GM free.'

O'Malley's Pub. Special: Cloned Beef and Cabbage. Is nothing sacred anymore?

"One slice—hold the bread."

"Got anything else? I gave up carbs."

"We're making progress."

'Bless this food, and protect us from the pesticides and additives therein.'

"We learnt about nutrition at school today Mum: Our diet didn't rate well at all..."

"Is the parchment in the salmon en papillote humanely raised?"

"Gavin is a bit conflicted when it comes to barbecuing."

"The food is excellent. Unfortunately, the inaction of politicians forces my husband to civil disobedience."

"I cook everything with an alternative energy source, so it may take a while."

'Hundreds of years of medical progress, and all you can tell me to do is eat less?'

'It's farm-to-table-to-farm dining.'

World Meat Consumptiom

'Never mind insecticides - now they think of us as protein.'

"Hybrid-battery cows might reduce our methane gas emissions...but good luck trying to get a decent filet mignon out of them."

"Why doesn't the budget ax ever fall in the produce department?"

"Sure, organic free-range poultry is more expensive, but consider all the guilt you're saving."

"No dolphins where harmed in the preparation of this Tuna sandwich."

Self-help videos: Buns of steel & Buns of brioche.

'Is it local?'