Carb-conscious Cook T-Shirts

'Raymond, do you really love me or just my low-carbohydrate meat?'

'We'll never be able to eat it all before it spoils -- how about a rabbit or something instead?'

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

'May future generations forgive you for eating that sausage...'

Barbecue raises a cloud of smoke; birds and squirrel in tree above wear gas masks.

"I can't hurry when ordering. There's a lot of ecological geopolitics involved here."

"It's so nice to gather and enjoy a simple home-cooked meal together."

Vegetarian Nightmare.

"Geoffrey's seasonal. I'm regional."

Eat Locally - All Roadkill From 8-Mile Radius

'I'm writing a vegetarian cook book.'

"Our vegan dishes are the same as what cows eat: Nitrates, Pesticides, Ammonia, Antibiotics..."

'Would you like that organic, locally grown, carbon neutral, fair trade, trans fat-free, sugar-free, gluten-free and peanut-free?'

'Could I have the traditional Christmas dinner but without meat or dairy and could guarantee it's organic and GM free.'

"The insect menu is very popular nowadays."

"One slice—hold the bread."

"Got anything else? I gave up carbs."

'Bless this food, and protect us from the pesticides and additives therein.'

"We're making progress."

"Gavin is a bit conflicted when it comes to barbecuing."

"Is the parchment in the salmon en papillote humanely raised?"

"We learnt about nutrition at school today Mum: Our diet didn't rate well at all..."

"The food is excellent. Unfortunately, the inaction of politicians forces my husband to civil disobedience."

"I cook everything with an alternative energy source, so it may take a while."

'Hundreds of years of medical progress, and all you can tell me to do is eat less?'

'It's farm-to-table-to-farm dining.'

'Never mind insecticides - now they think of us as protein.'

World Meat Consumptiom

"Why doesn't the budget ax ever fall in the produce department?"

"No dolphins where harmed in the preparation of this Tuna sandwich."

"Hybrid-battery cows might reduce our methane gas emissions...but good luck trying to get a decent filet mignon out of them."

Self-help videos: Buns of steel & Buns of brioche.

"Sure, organic free-range poultry is more expensive, but consider all the guilt you're saving."

'Is it local?'

"You just HAD to order the free range chicken, didn't you?"