Health-conscious Cooks Gifts

Self-help videos: Buns of steel & Buns of brioche.

But is it organic?

"Isn't it great to get out of the kitchen and cook in the fresh air!"

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

"Please don't kill me."

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

"It's so nice to gather and enjoy a simple home-cooked meal together."

'Diet considerations.'

Heimlich maneuver, Gastric bypass surgery, Liver transplant.

"I just found a lacto-vegan restaurant and Janet from accounts says she's FRUITAIAN!"

Making healthy eating bearable.

'Non-alcohol beer, unsalted potato chips and tofu hot dogs? Why did you accept a party invitation from a cardiologist?'

'We thank you for this food and ask you to protect us from pesticides, additives and preservatives.'

'Tartar sauce?! Heavens no. My dentist would kill me.'

'Trade you lunches?'

'Most, yes, but they're not all carcinogenic!'

Aiiiii! Fat! Cholesterol! Food!

"Is everything all right? Any reactions to the irradiated carrots, the transgenic tomatoes, or the antibiotics in the chicken?"

Angel's Food cake vs Devil's food cake.

'It's getting harder every day to make a living at this.'

"Tonight's specials include beef wellington (long regarded as a major source of cholesterol and saturated fat), Cajun-style swordfish (suspected of containing PCBs and toxic metals), and chicken teriyaki (recent increase in the incidence of salmonella whi

"Sunday dinner just isn't the same without growth promoters"

Complex Carbs

'Bless this food, and protect us from the pesticides and additives therein.'

Food that is good for you and food that is good for drug companies.

"Okay, who hasn’t eaten a McDonald’s burger in the past two days?"

All You Can Eat Buffet: "Remember, my safe word is 'Diabetes.'"

"There. Straight from the organic veggie patch. The world's most expensive carrot."

"I'd like a vanilla cupcake with buttercream icing on the side."

"It appears your high sodium bacon is playing havoc with your blood pressure."

GMOs

Healthy Chocolate Co.

'I'll have the food scare of the day.'

'Not only can we build it for the same price as any other gingerbread house, but we can do it for 40% less carbs and no trans fats!'

'The health plate is low in sodium, cholesterol, and sugar -- the downside is that it's high in styrofoam.'