Health-conscious Foodie Gifts

'Maybe she's gluten intolerant.'

'What about Trans Fats?!'

"Tonight's specials include beef wellington (long regarded as a major source of cholesterol and saturated fat), Cajun-style swordfish (suspected of containing PCBs and toxic metals), and chicken teriyaki (recent increase in the incidence of salmonella whi

'Non-alcohol beer, unsalted potato chips and tofu hot dogs? Why did you accept a party invitation from a cardiologist?'

"No bread for Grampa. He's on a glutten-free diet."

"Do you want that with or without angioplasty?"

'We thank you for this food and ask you to protect us from pesticides, additives and preservatives.'

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

'Not only can we build it for the same price as any other gingerbread house, but we can do it for 40% less carbs and no trans fats!'

"Our fridge stays full of nutritious, low fat food because we usually end up ordering pizza."

'I try to supply the best of both worlds.'

'Trade you lunches?'

Complex Carbs

'I'll have the chopped steak, without bacterial contamination and without mad cow virus.'

'The health plate is low in sodium, cholesterol, and sugar -- the downside is that it's high in styrofoam.'

'I don't eat red meat, remember?'

Super Size It

'We don't have any specials today. However, all entrees featuring ingredients known to cause cancer in laboratory animals are half price.

"New size, less sugar - but still the same great taste!"

'Finish your ice cream, young man, or no salad.'

'Gorgeous or gorging, why do I always have to choose?'

It's the same dessert but because of its antioxidants, we call it Life by Chocolate."

'There may be a slight delay for the low fat pork, sir.'

"I'll have the diet fruit salad with two scoops of ice-cream."

'Nutrition facts' - 'Health warnings.'

'The number indicates how close it come to real food.'

'We thank you for this food, but we wish you gave us enough sense to avoid all this cholesterol, salt and all these additives.'

Sugar and Margarine

"It appears your high sodium bacon is playing havoc with your blood pressure."

"Don't ever go there during cold season - She'll make you take castor oil."

"Is everything all right? Any reactions to the irradiated carrots, the transgenic tomatoes, or the antibiotics in the chicken?"

"I never saw such overweight mice before."

"Sergio, just for you, I made this cake glucose free.... I don't know how to make glucose free."

"Telling me how nutritious it is doesn't make it taste any better."

"The salad - does it come with flavour?"