Health-conscious Eater Gifts

'It's getting harder every day to make a living at this.'

'There are millions of bacteria in your intestines, anyway. What harm could one or two more do?'

Healthy Chocolate Co.

'I'll have the food scare of the day.'

"Sunday dinner just isn't the same without growth promoters"

"After this long list of additives it lists the expiration date. Does that pertain to the product of the person who eats it?"

Healthy Eating Fast

'Most, yes, but they're not all carcinogenic!'

"I just found a lacto-vegan restaurant and Janet from accounts says she's FRUITAIAN!"

"Combination No. 5--no MSG."

"Thank you for this food, and protect us from the additives and preservatives therein."

"Just sorta healthy?"

"Yes darling, dung beetles are edible, but you need to wash them thoroughly first. Why do you ask?"

'These are Trans-Fat free, right?'

'Bless this food, and protect us from the pesticides and additives therein.'

Truth in Labeling: 'Snouts, lips, jowls, cheeks and viscera enclosed in intestine and served on a bun, Mustard optional.'

"Here's your 'Senior Citizen Sunrise Special', Sir. And, NO! You can't have any salt!"

Shopping with Children.

"Is this house gluten-free?"

"Let's skip the hors d'oeuvres."

Aiiiii! Fat! Cholesterol! Food!

GMOs

We get so much produce from our farm share, I can't decide what to cook. Use everything! How about a stew with squash, peppers and corn in a zesty tomato base? Would your kids even put it on their plates? Of course! As long as it didn't touch the mac 'n' cheese.

But is it organic?

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

'We'll never be able to eat it all before it spoils -- how about a rabbit or something instead?'

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

'All those vegetables Mom's been feeding me finally paid off. I'm a squash.'

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

"I'd rather eat your homework."

'Excuse me - are you organic?'

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."