Health-conscious Cook Gifts

'Bless this food, and protect us from the pesticides and additives therein.'

"Why doesn't the budget ax ever fall in the produce department?"

But is it organic?

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

Heimlich maneuver, Gastric bypass surgery, Liver transplant.

'Diet considerations.'

"It's so nice to gather and enjoy a simple home-cooked meal together."

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

"I just found a lacto-vegan restaurant and Janet from accounts says she's FRUITAIAN!"

Making healthy eating bearable.

'Non-alcohol beer, unsalted potato chips and tofu hot dogs? Why did you accept a party invitation from a cardiologist?'

'We thank you for this food and ask you to protect us from pesticides, additives and preservatives.'

'Most, yes, but they're not all carcinogenic!'

'Trade you lunches?'

Angel's Food cake vs Devil's food cake.

"Is everything all right? Any reactions to the irradiated carrots, the transgenic tomatoes, or the antibiotics in the chicken?"

Aiiiii! Fat! Cholesterol! Food!

'It's getting harder every day to make a living at this.'

"Tonight's specials include beef wellington (long regarded as a major source of cholesterol and saturated fat), Cajun-style swordfish (suspected of containing PCBs and toxic metals), and chicken teriyaki (recent increase in the incidence of salmonella whi

Woman in Restaurant has Menu and Calorie Counter.

"Sunday dinner just isn't the same without growth promoters"

Complex Carbs

All You Can Eat Buffet: "Remember, my safe word is 'Diabetes.'"

GMOs

"There. Straight from the organic veggie patch. The world's most expensive carrot."

"It appears your high sodium bacon is playing havoc with your blood pressure."

"Okay, who hasn’t eaten a McDonald’s burger in the past two days?"

Food that is good for you and food that is good for drug companies.

"I'd like a vanilla cupcake with buttercream icing on the side."

'Not only can we build it for the same price as any other gingerbread house, but we can do it for 40% less carbs and no trans fats!'

Healthy Chocolate Co.

'I'll have the food scare of the day.'

'The health plate is low in sodium, cholesterol, and sugar -- the downside is that it's high in styrofoam.'

We get so much produce from our farm share, I can't decide what to cook. Use everything! How about a stew with squash, peppers and corn in a zesty tomato base? Would your kids even put it on their plates? Of course! As long as it didn't touch the mac 'n' cheese.

"Is this house gluten-free?"