Calorie Conscious Gifts

'Hundreds of years of medical progress, and all you can tell me to do is eat less?'

"And, on the lowest end of the caloric spectrum, we offer a leather chew toy."

'I knew there was a catch. Only fifty calories per serving but one small box contains eight servings.'

Slimming Club: Sweets Detector.

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

"The lobster dinner is thirty eight dollars, or for ten dollars extra you can have him returned to the sea."

'I'm tired of this bread and water diet.'

'Are you sure these sprouts aren't GM?.'

"I just found a lacto-vegan restaurant and Janet from accounts says she's FRUITAIAN!"

Deep in the Heart of Texas: The Cholesterol Kid.

The big pause

"And what would you like to regret later?"

'Most, yes, but they're not all carcinogenic!'

Aiiiii! Fat! Cholesterol! Food!

'It's getting harder every day to make a living at this.'

"Sunday dinner just isn't the same without growth promoters"

GMOs

'The automatic doors won't open.' 'Your carbon footprints are too light.'

"She thinks I think it's real latte, but I know decaf when I taste it."

"Gimme a double burger between two burgers. And hold the lettuce; it only dilutes the experience."

'You need more fiber and less cholesterol in your diet. Throw out the eggs you bought and eat the carton they came in.'

'I'll have the food scare of the day.'

Healthy Chocolate Co.

We get so much produce from our farm share, I can't decide what to cook. Use everything! How about a stew with squash, peppers and corn in a zesty tomato base? Would your kids even put it on their plates? Of course! As long as it didn't touch the mac 'n' cheese.

'They worry about their cholesterol, but they don't give a damn about ours!'

"That reminds me, your Dentist called."

"Is this house gluten-free?"

New beef chart.

Healthy Eating Fast

'These are Trans-Fat free, right?'

'No, no, no. I think it's great that you exercise and diet. I just wonder if perhaps you exercise and diet too much.'

Truth in Labeling: 'Snouts, lips, jowls, cheeks and viscera enclosed in intestine and served on a bun, Mustard optional.'

Café. Lo Carb Specialties Diner. It's ironic that they advertise on a sandwich board.

'The 'senior special' was two eggs, bacon, ham, cheese, hash browns and buttered toast for only $1.99. However, the two cholesterol lowering pills, I had to take, were four dollars each.'

"Here's your 'Senior Citizen Sunrise Special', Sir. And, NO! You can't have any salt!"