Nutrition Conscious Gifts

Deep in the Heart of Texas: The Cholesterol Kid.

"Where's the nutritional information this thing?"

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

I'm trying to read your test results from urology, but their server can only stream them a little bit at a time.

"The lobster dinner is thirty eight dollars, or for ten dollars extra you can have him returned to the sea."

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

I have been working so hard I haven't gone to the gym in ages. You've been trying to make ends meet and forgot about the middle!

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

Wash your hands

'Snap, crackle, help! I'm lactose intolerant!'

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

I'm not evolving - I just thought I should lower my salt intake.

'I'm tired of this bread and water diet.'

Running

"I'm not sure what's causing your stomachache. But I think it's safe to rule out hunger pains."

'Pumpkin pie isn't dessert. It's another vegetable.'

'Who cares about content? With a title like this it'll sell millions!'

Fishing rod coming out of a health farm towards a hot dog stand.

Now all meals contain 'Enzymate' for fast digestion.'

Attack of the 'health' foods

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

"Young man, the world is your oyster, but for God�s sake avoid peanuts, soy, milk, eggs, wheat, fish, tree nuts, and chocolate."

"I just found a lacto-vegan restaurant and Janet from accounts says she's FRUITAIAN!"

"I didn't ask to be made with seventeen grams of fat."

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

'My mother's resolution is to eat more vegetables, and my resolution is to help her by giving her mine.'

'We seem to have more luck getting people to accept cookies rather than broccoli when they visit websites.'

"She was really disappointed when she found out she was going to an eye doctor and not an iDoctor."

'Most, yes, but they're not all carcinogenic!'

'I'm not feeling well. I think I've got human flu.'

Aiiiii! Fat! Cholesterol! Food!

'According to Dr Alvin McDowell, everything that was good for you is now bad for you!'

'It's getting harder every day to make a living at this.'

"Sunday dinner just isn't the same without growth promoters"

"I can't eat these nutrition bars. They're for women."