Cholesterol Conscious Eater Gifts

'The 'senior special' was two eggs, bacon, ham, cheese, hash browns and buttered toast for only $1.99. However, the two cholesterol lowering pills, I had to take, were four dollars each.'

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

'We'll never be able to eat it all before it spoils -- how about a rabbit or something instead?'

"Geoffrey's seasonal. I'm regional."

'I'm tired of this bread and water diet.'

Vegetarian Nightmare.

"I can't hurry when ordering. There's a lot of ecological geopolitics involved here."

Eat Locally - All Roadkill From 8-Mile Radius

'Are you sure these sprouts aren't GM?.'

"I just found a lacto-vegan restaurant and Janet from accounts says she's FRUITAIAN!"

"Our vegan dishes are the same as what cows eat: Nitrates, Pesticides, Ammonia, Antibiotics..."

'Would you like that organic, locally grown, carbon neutral, fair trade, trans fat-free, sugar-free, gluten-free and peanut-free?'

'Most, yes, but they're not all carcinogenic!'

O'Malley's Pub. Special: Cloned Beef and Cabbage. Is nothing sacred anymore?

'Could I have the traditional Christmas dinner but without meat or dairy and could guarantee it's organic and GM free.'

"The insect menu is very popular nowadays."

Aiiiii! Fat! Cholesterol! Food!

'It's getting harder every day to make a living at this.'

"Sunday dinner just isn't the same without growth promoters"

"We're making progress."

'If I'm reading this chart correctly, your LDL is ranch dressing'.

"There. Straight from the organic veggie patch. The world's most expensive carrot."

Good egg, bad egg.

One Dollar, One Vote

GMOs

"Is the parchment in the salmon en papillote humanely raised?"

"Okay, who hasn’t eaten a McDonald’s burger in the past two days?"

'Hundreds of years of medical progress, and all you can tell me to do is eat less?'

'You need more fiber and less cholesterol in your diet. Throw out the eggs you bought and eat the carton they came in.'

Healthy Chocolate Co.

'It's farm-to-table-to-farm dining.'

'I'll have the food scare of the day.'

'Never mind insecticides - now they think of us as protein.'

'Your lab tests are back. Your cholesterol weight, and self importance are all too high.'

"Hybrid-battery cows might reduce our methane gas emissions...but good luck trying to get a decent filet mignon out of them."