Calorie-conscious Drinker Gifts

'One of these Men's wives has just discovered that you can use 180 kcalories making love.'

'We like the occasional drink on the patio.'

A cat pours himself a gin and tonic.

The Reaper's Arms

"I know my drinking limits.The problem is that I can never reach them - I simply fall down."

"Honestly, Paula, I don't know what I'd do without our daily keggers."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

'Looks like a good day fah haulin' lobstah, eh, Pauley?...Let's just say it became a good day fah drinkin'...'

'No need for pump action, Al - it's the wife.'

"The Ususal, Mr. B?"

'She thinks I'm out every night training for the London Marathon.'

"So, Danny Boy, what's up in your world?"

'Beer's more than just a food -- it's a comfort food!'

Is your glass half full or half empty? Who cares, fill her up!

"I opened the last of the emergency wine."

"You're looking a bit RUFF this morning."

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

Wine at the Bar

"And what would you like to regret later?"

"It's easy for me. Three beers and I'm in the zone."

The drinker.

"I thought I put on my 'big boy' pants this morning but apparently they were my 'fire me' pants."

'Bottled water or other non-carbonated diet beverage!'

Complex Carbs

"I love people-watching."

"Mister, I don't know if the glass is half full or half empty. It's 12 dollars."

"Gimme a double burger between two burgers. And hold the lettuce; it only dilutes the experience."

'I'll be home for dinner pretty soon, dear — I just stopped off to cleanse my palate.'

'We can't go on knocking it back like this - one of us must give it up, won't you!'

Getting old...

"Right, let the consumption of alcohol begin."

"She thinks I think it's real latte, but I know decaf when I taste it."

'Hundreds of years of medical progress, and all you can tell me to do is eat less?'

Cause and Effect.