Calorie-conscious Drinker Gifts

'One of these Men's wives has just discovered that you can use 180 kcalories making love.'

'We like the occasional drink on the patio.'

A cat pours himself a gin and tonic.

7 Dwarves of Retirement

"I know my drinking limits.The problem is that I can never reach them - I simply fall down."

The Reaper's Arms

Al, why is my goldfish zigzagging? Perhaps sharing my beer with him was a case of misplaced generosity on my part.

"Honestly, Paula, I don't know what I'd do without our daily keggers."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

'Looks like a good day fah haulin' lobstah, eh, Pauley?...Let's just say it became a good day fah drinkin'...'

"So, Danny Boy, what's up in your world?"

'Beer's more than just a food -- it's a comfort food!'

'No need for pump action, Al - it's the wife.'

'She thinks I'm out every night training for the London Marathon.'

"The Ususal, Mr. B?"

Is your glass half full or half empty? Who cares, fill her up!

"I opened the last of the emergency wine."

"You're looking a bit RUFF this morning."

Wine at the Bar

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

"And what would you like to regret later?"

"It's easy for me. Three beers and I'm in the zone."

The drinker.

'Bottled water or other non-carbonated diet beverage!'

"I thought I put on my 'big boy' pants this morning but apparently they were my 'fire me' pants."

Complex Carbs

"Mister, I don't know if the glass is half full or half empty. It's 12 dollars."

Getting old...

"She thinks I think it's real latte, but I know decaf when I taste it."

'I'll be home for dinner pretty soon, dear — I just stopped off to cleanse my palate.'

"Gimme a double burger between two burgers. And hold the lettuce; it only dilutes the experience."

"I love people-watching."

'We can't go on knocking it back like this - one of us must give it up, won't you!'

"Right, let the consumption of alcohol begin."

'Hundreds of years of medical progress, and all you can tell me to do is eat less?'