Car Dining Humorist Gifts

"Two burgers, two fries, two martinis—and we'll have those to go."

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

'Well, the good news is; You won't need to tax and insure it.'

"Fresh pepper spray?"

'It's a Volksvegan...it runs on vegetable oil!'

Moses comes to Los Angeles.

'Beware of SUV.'

'If you mean Janet, she works the late shift.'

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

"May we see your kids' menu please?"

'I just come here for the ambiance. The food's lousy, so ordered a pizza be delivered.'

'I'll have the frogs legs - and make sure they're kneeling.'

'I didn't find a finger in my chili!'

"How about you? Were you 'locally raised'?"

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

"Would you like any suburbs, or just the check?"

'If I were you, I'd leave the keys in the ignition and hope someone steals it.'

"You folks like a little something?"

Bob ordered the breakfast special of bacon with two eggs served any way he wanted.

"Oh, don't worry about that—it only goes off when someone taps 'no tip.'"

'Self service.' 'How much do I tip myself?'

Australian Sat Nav - 'Straight on mate'.

Speed Checked By Radar.

"Table five looks good. We’ll have that."

"Waiter, there are needles in my stew."

Today's special - Ox tail soup.

'Why can't you ride under the dash like other airbags?'

Driver with a rear view mirror attached to his forehead.

Parking? I don't think so.

'I'll have 40 percent of what he's having.'

'This model runs on antibiotics.'