Car Dining Humorist Gifts

"Two burgers, two fries, two martinis—and we'll have those to go."

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

'Well, the good news is; You won't need to tax and insure it.'

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

"Fresh pepper spray?"

'It's a Volksvegan...it runs on vegetable oil!'

'Beware of SUV.'

Moses comes to Los Angeles.

"May we see your kids' menu please?"

'If you mean Janet, she works the late shift.'

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

'I just come here for the ambiance. The food's lousy, so ordered a pizza be delivered.'

"How about you? Were you 'locally raised'?"

'I'll have the frogs legs - and make sure they're kneeling.'

There's a strange mist over my food. You never heard of pea soup fog?

Menu. Everything looks so delicious! Thank you!

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

'I didn't find a finger in my chili!'

"Would you like any suburbs, or just the check?"

'If I were you, I'd leave the keys in the ignition and hope someone steals it.'

"Knife...fork..."

'Self service.' 'How much do I tip myself?'

Bob ordered the breakfast special of bacon with two eggs served any way he wanted.

Please be gentle, waiter. This is my first salad. I'm sorry, sir, but there's a reason they call it "roughage."

"You folks like a little something?"

"Oh, don't worry about that—it only goes off when someone taps 'no tip.'"

Australian Sat Nav - 'Straight on mate'.

Speed Checked By Radar.

'Why can't you ride under the dash like other airbags?'

"Waiter, there are needles in my stew."

"Table five looks good. We’ll have that."

Today's special - Ox tail soup.

Driver with a rear view mirror attached to his forehead.

Parking? I don't think so.

'This model runs on antibiotics.'