Car Humorist Gifts

Driver with a rear view mirror attached to his forehead.

Australian Sat Nav - 'Straight on mate'.

"Do I know how fast I was going? Isn't that your job?"

'It's a Volksvegan...it runs on vegetable oil!'

"When I asked to see your licence I meant your driving licence, not your dog licence."

'If I were you, I'd leave the keys in the ignition and hope someone steals it.'

'Beware of SUV.'

'This model runs on antibiotics.'

"You failed on breaking distances"

'I'd rather be text messaging.'

'Well, the good news is; You won't need to tax and insure it.'

The Magician world's version of Fluffy dice.

'I think your anger may derive from the fact that you're driving a minivan.'

'Why can't you ride under the dash like other airbags?'

'True, I couldn't see my radar gun, but I still believe you were speeding.'

Out of Bumper Stickers.

Crash test dummy has sign in rear of test car that says "Dummy On Board"

Wash Me! (dirty car acting smarthy)

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

'Sorry mate... Didn't see you there!'

It's just until I stop chasing cars.

I'm amazed that doesn't happen more often. People behind the wheel are constantly talking on their phones .. They're texting and fiddling with the music and other people in the car are distracting them. I think there'll be driverless cars before too long. CRASH! I disagree with you, Ernie. There's already lots of cars on the road with nobody driving! I'll have to call you back.

No, I haven't been drinking.

"Honk if you think I'm about to cause an accident."

It's only firing on 87 cylinders!

'I found what was making those funny noises.'

CLEAR!

'And here's the toolkit.'

Volkswagen Scandal

"Don't you ever run off again to get your oil changed without telling me."

"This is Siri. No, you're not there yet!"

'It's a British car. Needs braces.'

Gas Pedal Sticking?

"Okay. Hit it."

'Told you so.'