Automobile Humorist Gifts

Road rage in the car-to-car technology era.

'There's something wrong with my car. The hooter goes off whenever I get in.'

"Yes, it does come with a tech package. It's called a battery."

'Well, the good news is; You won't need to tax and insure it.'

It's only firing on 87 cylinders!

CLEAR!

Volkswagen Scandal

"No, I don't think you 'new break shoes', I think you need new break feet. You are supposed to depress the brake pedal you know."

World's cheapest car

'It's a Volksvegan...it runs on vegetable oil!'

"Don't you ever run off again to get your oil changed without telling me."

'Beware of SUV.'

"This is Siri. No, you're not there yet!"

"It'll need a carburettor transplant, a right wing panel augmentation, and an engine oil transfusion... Maybe you should consider euthanasia."

'It's a British car. Needs braces.'

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

"Okay. Hit it."

Disoriented while talking on his cell phone, Pat made a series of wrong turns in the unfamiliar office park.

'... Yes, that's right. It has had one careful owner and three not so careful owners.'

All you'd expect in a British car!

'If I were you, I'd leave the keys in the ignition and hope someone steals it.'

"Your new car won't start? Oh, well, umm…that's just the car's Collision Avoidance System kicking in. It doesn't want you to hit anything today."

"It's important to fix the horn because the brakes don't work..."

Lucky car.

Person who refuses to admit age on board. Feel free to drive with wild and reckless abandon.

No Hand Signals

Australian Sat Nav - 'Straight on mate'.

Driving a Lemon.

Pine tree driving a truck with a human-shaped air freshener hanging off the mirror

"It's a hybrid if you think it is. Runs on gas and the power of positive thinking."

'Why can't you ride under the dash like other airbags?'

"Clean your wallet, sir?"

My car idles well! It learned a lot from you!

"So tell me about your early years on the road..."

"I got a 'millennial anti-theft device' in my car." "Steering wheel lock?" "Stick shift."