Candle Blamer Gifts

"You can't blow out the candles. You're rolled."

Candle Portraits.

'My husband made my cake from scratch...even the candles.'

Signs of Aging: Light headedness, shortening, waxy skin, burn out and hot flashes.

"It's our latest scent...Dryer Sheet."

"The Internet startup had only enough cash for one more day. But, miraculously, the money lasted for eight days, until more venture capital could be raised."

'You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake!'

'It works all the time: Light a candle and dinner comes to you...'

"I just love candle-lit dinners."

"Lately, I can't even burn the candle at one end."

"...And our 'Holiday Scented' candle smells just like credit cards."

"Oh, do you like the candles? I made them myself our of old crayons!"

Candle Moment

'A Connoisseur Examining a Cooper'- George III Inspecting Engraving of Oliver Cromwell

"I'm totally prepared for this meeting. In fact I spent the entire morning working on my 'it's not my fault' face."

'Been biting drunken bitches again, have we?'

'So anyways, I got a great deal on a candle factory from this total sucker and,,, hey, watcha reading'

The Lancet and Boils and Boilmen.

Candles on Drum

'There's nothing more romantic than candle light when it hides the dirty dishes.'

'I thought I'd cut out the middle men.'

"Your candle has gone out."

Cover Design for the Yellow Book, Vol 1

Man lighting ceiling candle

'Last guy up blow out the candles.'

Candlelight dinner? Oh, Edgar - how romantic. You must've driven around hours.

The Invention of the Tea Light

A drum covered in candles

'That burning sensation is just a nasty case of hemorrhoidal flare-up.'

"If you're going out, pick up some candles."

Happy Holidays: Peace children.

In the bleak midwinter

'I see you've heard the news.'

"It finally smells great in here, but now I can't afford furniture."

"I'm thinking about a complete makeover. An extra wick or two and a scent infusion."