Candle Critic Gifts

"Scented torches? Do I look like a King who'd want scented torches?"

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

Candle Portraits.

'I imagine you'll be asking for a full refund.'

I've decided to shift down a few gears.'

"It's our latest scent...Dryer Sheet."

"The Internet startup had only enough cash for one more day. But, miraculously, the money lasted for eight days, until more venture capital could be raised."

'You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake!'

'It works all the time: Light a candle and dinner comes to you...'

In case of overcrowding in the ER break glass.

"We like to think he's experimenting with color and form, but his art therapist suggested we're not giving him enough candy."

"Lately, I can't even burn the candle at one end."

"Put away the gummy candies and bring out the apples. The kid's mother is our dentist!"

"...And our 'Holiday Scented' candle smells just like credit cards."

'Been biting drunken bitches again, have we?'

"Of course it's not easy to read the body language of someone who's basically inert."

'A Connoisseur Examining a Cooper'- George III Inspecting Engraving of Oliver Cromwell

The New Square Mile Regulator.

Candle Moment

'So anyways, I got a great deal on a candle factory from this total sucker and,,, hey, watcha reading'

'There's nothing more romantic than candle light when it hides the dirty dishes.'

'No thanks; can't handle caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, or number six birdshot.'

'I thought I'd cut out the middle men.'

"Med Brittle"

Candles on Drum

Safety first - be aware of what is around you.

"Love it! 'People of smoke' instead of 'Smokers.' "

Cover Design for the Yellow Book, Vol 1

'Excuse me,sir-those wouldn't happen to be your cigarette butts,would they?'

Man lighting ceiling candle

The Invention of the Tea Light

"If you're going out, pick up some candles."