Smoke Critic Gifts

"You're too young to be smoking!"

"Instead of singing, I'm going to scream offensive things as loud as I can just to get attention..."

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

Smokers smoking on the moon, Astronauts smoking on the moon

Welcome to Hell - No Smoking

'our chances seemed pretty good until you lighted that 20.'

Pollution Look

"Do you know donuts have fewer calories than you? I guess that would explain your muffin top."

"I'm afraid the umbrella constitutes an enclosed space and must be taken down."

Safety first - be aware of what is around you.

"More ashtray, nurse! For God's sake, more ashtray!"

"Love it! 'People of smoke' instead of 'Smokers.' "

'Why can't you just chew bones like other dogs?' (dog smoking pipe).

"I only allow myself one after a meal - I'm now down to 43 meals a day!"

'Excuse me,sir-those wouldn't happen to be your cigarette butts,would they?'

'Let's play some cards, boys. Oh, and by the way, the wife said if we figure out how to light these cigars we can smoke in the bowl.'

"That's why you don't smoke near the dang cannon!"

Give up Smoking!

'I don't like to complain, but I'm getting a little tired of crudités.'

'Well actually, the only reason I put my head out of the window is that Master smokes while driving...'

Fish "Hey Kid, got a light?"

'I used to be a pack animal. Lately, I've become a two pack animal.'

Tim's hopes for his safer smoking device were to be dashed when it failed to fit through the door...

Prehistoric Cigarette Lighter

Cigarettes $7.50 - Ask About Our Easy Payment Plan.

'Smoking or non-smoking?'

'Looks like there's been another crackdown on truth in advertising regulations.'

'Owing to the very real threat of biscuit-related injuries, the snack of choice for meetings will now be blancmange.'

'Manna! Matzoh! If I knew the food would be so bad on this trip, I would have stayed in Egypt.'

"See? Right there - it says bubblegum."

'The ones who smoke, masturbate... the ones who don't smoke, masturbate... is this a study on smoking or masturbation?'

"I'm afraid we don't allow smoking in here sir. We consider it unhygenic."

What? Why the heck not?

If they ban smoking in cars...