Smoke Philosopher Gifts

'Smoking or non?'

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

We are shaped by what we love! Especially pizza and doughnuts!

"You don't whisper anymore."

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

"Oh, don't mind that, it's just my body of unseen work."

Hello, this is Cable News. Oh. I'm Mortimer Park. As you know, we only have four short years until the next presidential election. So it's time to start asking: Who should run? Whom do you prefer? (A) Al Gore … (B) John Kerry … (C) Marco Rubio … (D) Ted Cruz ... (E) Christ Christie ... House of Java Cybercafe. How about (F) You? Mr. Eugene Yu is actually (T).

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"Your idea is strong. Really strong. But I've gotta ask myself, is it too much espresso for a decaf world?"

Quadruple dark hot chocolate. Whoa, everything all right? Sure, yeah, great. I'm a journalist and writer in an era in which the printed word has been totally devalued by free distribution of information on the internet. Can I pay in prose? Point taken.

Meekness of Mr Pecksniff and his Charming Daughter

"Why do parishioners only eat half their donuts???" "Partial indulgence."

'Jim's blogging his thought for the day. He doesn't have any profound thoughts, he just has one thought per day.'

Pollution Look

Nothing like that first cup of coffee, eh, Frank?

'The doctor said my body is 40% fat. These cookies are only 20% fat. That's got to help.'

"I see, Mr. Pipkins, we're back on the bourbon and smoking through glazed doughnuts."

Continental Drift.

A lot of attention gets paid to the Earl of Sandwich, and rightfully so, but let's not forget to show some respect for that neglected Lord of Lunch, the Viscount of Potato Salad.

'Mr Evans, I think we'd better reconsider our no-smoking policy.'

Aw, @#$%, just go to business school. EMU. The Practical Muse.

"Love it! 'People of smoke' instead of 'Smokers.' "

"I wish there was an easy answer but there's a sexual subtext to consider...even if you are comliant in meeting my needs am I subconsciously placing you in the sexually subservient role or nurturer and provider."

...Five ways for the cities-towns to raise money...

"I can see the green shoots of recovery. The fag butts are getting longer."

"They want to turn the clocks back?"

I have to admit, I enjoyed that fruity concoction you convinced me to try. In light of that, I will extend to you a brief respite from my usually relentless attacks upon your character.

Paranormal tips: sandwiches with crop circles may lead to marmalade stains on trousers

Warning.

"I'm only writing fake product reviews until I find someone to publish my novel."

"We're close to being reliant solely on renewable sources of outrage."

"Damn straight, it's not as if there's a war and they just hand us our profits."

"I keep it on to remind me that I managed to escape a life of crime before I was in too deep."

"It's a novel about quarterly reports."