Cigarette Philosopher Gifts

"I'll keep thinking inside the box as long as they let me smoke in the box."

"I see, Mr. Pipkins, we're back on the bourbon and smoking through glazed doughnuts."

Warning.

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"How is the dollar trading against the Martini today, Jack?"

"I was surprised myself, but living apart, seeing other people, and having virtually nothing to do with each other actually has made our marriage stronger."

"Your idea is strong. Really strong. But I've gotta ask myself, is it too much espresso for a decaf world?"

'The first cocktail.'

Nothing like that first cup of coffee, eh, Frank?

Bar Therapy

'Mr Evans, I think we'd better reconsider our no-smoking policy.'

Safety first - be aware of what is around you.

"Love it! 'People of smoke' instead of 'Smokers.' "

"I wish there was an easy answer but there's a sexual subtext to consider...even if you are comliant in meeting my needs am I subconsciously placing you in the sexually subservient role or nurturer and provider."

'Excuse me,sir-those wouldn't happen to be your cigarette butts,would they?'

'If you want to smoke, you'll have to go outside.'

Freud's Bar: Introspection Hour.

"I'll have an entendre...make it a double."

"It was very amicable—I gave her everything."

"Would you guys shut up and let me watch the game?"

Albert Camus.

Neurotic stupidity: 'If you start granting amnesty to people for following their conscience, pretty soon everyone will be following their conscience.'

''Stop smoking'? -- but my psychiatrist just told me to start!'

I'm having fun, all in all. But there is one question which I attempted to answer and no matter what, I fail: Why do candy stores have business hours?

'I'll only have one pack of nicotene patches this week. My mate's supposed to be getting me some cheaper ones from abroad.'

"Damn straight, it's not as if there's a war and they just hand us our profits."

"I'm afraid we don't allow smoking in here sir. We consider it unhygenic."

Tieing smoking to the stock market: 'Are you kidding! I can't quit while the market is so volatile!'

"I'm trying to decide between a cocktail with a cute name and one that's blatantly sexual."

"Say, do you have the correct moon-phase?"

"I've learned not to listen to critics who are right about me."