Cigarette Philosopher T-Shirts

"I'll keep thinking inside the box as long as they let me smoke in the box."

"I see, Mr. Pipkins, we're back on the bourbon and smoking through glazed doughnuts."

Warning.

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"How is the dollar trading against the Martini today, Jack?"

"Your idea is strong. Really strong. But I've gotta ask myself, is it too much espresso for a decaf world?"

"I was surprised myself, but living apart, seeing other people, and having virtually nothing to do with each other actually has made our marriage stronger."

'The first cocktail.'

Nothing like that first cup of coffee, eh, Frank?

Bar Therapy

'Mr Evans, I think we'd better reconsider our no-smoking policy.'

Safety first - be aware of what is around you.

Aw, @#$%, just go to business school. EMU. The Practical Muse.

"Love it! 'People of smoke' instead of 'Smokers.' "

"I wish there was an easy answer but there's a sexual subtext to consider...even if you are comliant in meeting my needs am I subconsciously placing you in the sexually subservient role or nurturer and provider."

'Excuse me,sir-those wouldn't happen to be your cigarette butts,would they?'

"Would you guys shut up and let me watch the game?"

Freud's Bar: Introspection Hour.

"It was very amicable—I gave her everything."

"I'll have an entendre...make it a double."

'If you want to smoke, you'll have to go outside.'

Albert Camus.

''Stop smoking'? -- but my psychiatrist just told me to start!'

Neurotic stupidity: 'If you start granting amnesty to people for following their conscience, pretty soon everyone will be following their conscience.'

What? Why the heck not?

"I'm afraid we don't allow smoking in here sir. We consider it unhygenic."

Exciting news. I've retired our small size coffee. I've replaced it with the big. What if people want jut a little bit to drink? They should order the big. Isn't it bigger? It's the same size as the old small. Just like the old medium. It's the same as before, but it now called the grandeur. And in place of the old large, I give you the skyscraper. Modern cafe theory: Same size drinks but larger names. Our prices must rise to reflect our generosity.

"Say, do you have the correct moon-phase?"

"Damn straight, it's not as if there's a war and they just hand us our profits."

"I'm trying to decide between a cocktail with a cute name and one that's blatantly sexual."

I'm having fun, all in all. But there is one question which I attempted to answer and no matter what, I fail: Why do candy stores have business hours?