Cigarette Critic T-Shirts

'Excuse me,sir-those wouldn't happen to be your cigarette butts,would they?'

What? Why the heck not?

'Suppose smoking kills you and we don't have nine lives?'

Woman sunbathing under clouds: 'Bloody smoking ban.'

Safety first - be aware of what is around you.

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

I've decided to shift down a few gears.'

"Eating a diet rich in vibrant colors does not mean a bowl of Skittles."

'Harold took the advice of the 'experts' and only invested in things he understood, which is why our portfolio consists entirely of Anheuser-Busch and Phillip Morris.'

"Put away the gummy candies and bring out the apples. The kid's mother is our dentist!"

'...at least it's done something for our image.'

Welcome to Hell - No Smoking

'You are talking about health? Ha! My cig does not have calories, fat, cholesterol, carbohydrates and sugar!'

The New Square Mile Regulator.

José Saramago

"Of course it's not easy to read the body language of someone who's basically inert."

"I see, Mr. Pipkins, we're back on the bourbon and smoking through glazed doughnuts."

'I'm old, bald and fat, but at least I'm not boring!'

'No thanks; can't handle caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, or number six birdshot.'

"Med Brittle"

"Love it! 'People of smoke' instead of 'Smokers.' "

"Try getting life insurance when scientists are always supplying you with tobacco."

'No I haven't got a light, shove off!'

"I got horse dewormer..."

'Which one has the highest alcohol content?' 'That one.'

Cat eyes up cocktail olive.

"Let's see if there's another witch's cottage with a better candy selection."

Give up Smoking!

Candy Land for Adults

'If you want to smoke, you'll have to go outside.'

-"For instance, this gin and tonic does not have a single molecule of gin in it!" -"It's from the staff canteen, right!"

"They're infantilizing us!"

'I gave up smoking, drinking and sex...It was the worst fifteen minutes of my life.'

'I hate chocolates that are gooey inside but I love Valentine's cards that are all gooey inside.'