Camera-ready Queen Gifts

'With all these new surveillance cameras around town, I'm not going anywhere without full-make-up.'

A woman floats in the pool under the shade of an airplane

"I spend my day prepping for a good night"

'Ok. Now I'm sexy.'

Clubbing

'I need it in a size two for now and a size five for when I put on my rebound weight.'

"Sorry, no narcissists allowed."

"Emily! Your cup runneth over!"

Don't make me look! How do you like my prom dress? Don't make me look! Chill, dad, it's Nana's old dress. It isn't revealing, Honey. It's no the old dress. It's my old little girl I can't look at!

"I wonder how many Facebook likes I'll get."

"Sorry I didn't get back to you sooner. I've been out of the office since I got fired."

"Mom, does granddad want me to run away? He's playing that Disco music again!"

"It makes me feel better about myself."

"Does the phone in my back pocket make my butt look too big?"

"you want to get out a bit more you do"

Lance Armstrong: the later years.

High School Prom Expenses

Stepped in Dog Poo.

Rapunzel on prom night.

'A moral dilemma? Tell me more, more. I adore more.'

Krazee dancer yeah!

A granny tortoise with a quilted shell.

"Attention: The Captain has turned off the hokey-pokey light. You are now free to shake it all about."

THE PIED PAPARAZZI - "Ugh! Stop following me!"

"Don't tell me you're JEALOUS,darling?"

Beauty Time

"Quick, let me through. I'm a gossip."

'Cracks in the commode have made for wee-wee leaks.'

Chatterbox Podium

"Let's try Mars. The machines have already taken over here."

'Of course she constantly takes pictures of herself. That's why they call it an iphone.'

Sick, Disgusting, Here It Is

'Usually, elevator music isn't that catchy...'

"It's safe to go out now -- the paparazzi are all following Lady Godiva."

'She's in here, toasting her date.'